Sunday, June 8, 2014

Life is harder without old friends.

Life is so much harder without my former old friends. Sugar and Junk food.

Not to say I am perfect because we all damn well know I am not. Some days it is easier than others to resist temptation.  Friday was a total I don't give a flying fig day. Even though I have been absent for a few weeks I am happy to say that has been the only one. I also nipped it so that it stayed ONE day.

I set myself up by "allowing" myself one sugar filled treat. I rationalized it to myself that it was one cheat and that would be it. Once you allow (at least this is how it was for me) that one break in the armor then the rest of it is easily shattered. You know the whole- Well I already f'ed up this day so I might as well continue. I might have been ok with just that one thing. But then I saw a flavor of ice cream that I haven't seen since I was 5 years old. I just HAD to get a one scoop cone of that. The flavor?  Smurf.  Anyone remember it? Creamy blue raspberry with mini marshmallows. Then that opened the door to some fancy cupcakes.

I am finding myself sad a lot more often now. I think it is because I am not burying my face in a pint of ice cream or box of little debbies. I have to face certain feeling now that I was able to bury with crap. Right now I am dealing with something borderline traumatic for me. It is so unbelievably dumb I fully admit but it really bothers me. My hair is thinning along the part. I have been unhappy with my hair for a little while now hence the darker wash out dye to see if that helped. Once I realized the thinning I mentioned it to a coworker and she was all like "Yeah, it has been for a while. It shows more when your hair is dirty and in a ponytail" Those words were a smack across the face and really hurt me. It isn't like she intentionally planned to hurt me but to admit you noticed and didn't say a thing to me was the hurtful part.

 Amazingly enough (to me at least) I still haven't eaten my feelings away regarding this. Still getting used to the idea and hoping that the trauma will fade in time. I would so much rather go grey

Yes I know I sound like a whiny baby. There is more to the sads also but some stuff just shouldn't be blogged about.


Day 2 here of back on track ness.