Do you strip? I need a new routine.

I know many people like to strip off various articles of clothing when they first walk in the door of their home.  I know of at least two people in real life that peel their bras off practically the moment they walk in.

I do take something off within the first few minutes but it isn't clothing.  I take off my wedding rings.  For some reason the moment I walk in the door they feel constrictive to me. It doesn't bother me in the least when I am out and about during the day.  I have a little kitty ring holder that my mother got me in childhood that sits in the kitchen window sill.  Majority of my rings are on it so I just slip my wedding set right on top of the stack.  Yes- I do know I am odd.

I wanted to go another 10 minutes on the treadmill last night but my right toes were feeling really uncomfortable.  I didn't know if it was a blister or chafing or what.  I looked as soon as I got off and found the problem. My pinkie toenail was lightly rubbing/cutting my umm ring finger toe? LOL  Cut the offending nail and let my tooties air breathe all night.  Today there is a little nagging pain but it is totally ignorable.  I wrapped a band aid around the toe and am hoping it will be ok later to walk. I won't know till I try right?

I need to come up with a routine that I can stick to.  I typically work 4 days a week 10/10/10/6 sometimes I work 10/10/10/10 and sometimes it is 5 days of 6/10/10/10/4. I take the loss of 4 hours during the school year as it enables us to keep the kiddos out of daycare period.  Cheaper to take the loss than pay daycare on two kiddos.

I want to work on a treadmill routine that I can and will follow.  I also need to figure out a dinner routine if I am going to work out on days that I work.  By the time I get home at 7:30ish that doesn't leave much time for dinner or walking. Well really it does if I was super awesome and walked while the meat is baking but I am just not that organised. I am playing with the idea of pre-cooking protein for my days off.  That way I just have to worry about veggies or a starchy side for hubbers.  The kids typically do not eat what we are eating because by the time it is ready it is their bedtime.  I may just concentrate on keeping the treadmilling to my days off.  Just kinda talking typing out loud here.

PS.  Yessss I like making interesting blog titles when I can.  LMAO

Day 31

I had a entire post planned in my head. To bad my eyes will not stay open to type it up.  Off to bed I go!  With a full belly which is sucky but that is what happens when you wait till 11:30pm to eat.  Oye.

Maggie has an early appointment tomorrow so that means a early morning for me.

Hope your day was productive.  :)

Day 30

I am going to be totally honest with you all.

 Usually when I want to not share something I just withhold the truth.  Sometimes I share way, way to much.  Like for instance I invited my father to stay with us when he comes next week.  I told him we have a queen size bed in the play room that he can sleep on. I also told him that both boys have peed on the mattress in the past but that we would make sure it was freshened for him.  That it is really no different than a hotel mattress (trust me on that- former hotel employee) He laughed.  I felt I had to be honest- Why *that* honest?  No freaking clue.  Which is why I make sure not to make the statement of not being 100% sugar free.  Obviously I am not- I know that BBQ sauce has sugar but I don't care enough to buy (or make) a SF version. It isn't triggering cravings/binges so I don't worry about it.

As I said in my previous post I have been about 98% sugar free with my eating for the last 30 days. You may say but umm today is Jan 29th?  I started this on Dec 31st.  I like to be the weird one as you will see by the picture that will be at the end of this post.

Things I have eaten this last 30 days that were naughty going by my reduced carb eating plan.

• 2 red lobster cheddar bay biscuits. (I think I kept that to myself)
• 6-8 pieces of sushi with white rice (I realized today I said a few on my post last week)
• 2 bites of french bread fluff last Friday night. (I kept that to myself)

Things that are not no-no's as I am reduced carbing and they fit into that but they are still sweets and have low sugar.

• 85% dark chocolate bar squares (serving is 2.5- I have had twice not but only 1 square each time) Those things are potent little squares.
• Sugar-free Hershey's brand chocolate chips.  1 tbsp is 1 carb.-  I have had about 5 tbsp total in two weeks.  

One trick I have found which is common sense really.  I do not bring anything into the house that is a trigger food for me. I only get snacks for the boys that I can take or leave.  That means I am comfortable leaving them.  I also make sure that they are out of sight. If I walk past a bag of goldfish on the counter I tend to want to grab a handful.  I don't even like goldfish that much, but it is a ingrained habit.

After I posted my FB status (see post below if your clueless to what that means) I felt that I needed to get my ass on the treadmill ASAP.  I set up the tablet and watched a show on Netflix.  A 42 minute show- Clean House. I was on the treadmill already before I had the bright idea to get the tablet. I was only walking at between 2 and 2.3 mph but at least my ass wasn't on the couch.  This is what I saw when I was done with the show and moved the tablet that had been blocking the display.

Do you see what I was referring to above? I stopped on 1 hours 13 minutes.  That might drive some of you crazy (like my hubby) that I just didn't go to 1 hour and 15 minutes.  HAH!!

The post based on my FB status.

I usually do not post stuff about me on Facebook.  I do a lot of stalking reading of people's status. I occasionally post a funny of what the kids have done. I generally do not call attention to myself.  Sometimes I wonder why I even have a FB account to be honest. While I love the nosiness of it and keeping in touch with some, I feel invisible.

I took my invisibility away with this post this afternoon:
Today is day 30 of eating 98% (refined) sugar free. (The 2% was from condiments/sauces) I did however eat natural sugar such as fresh fruit. I have had zero ice cream/cookies/cakes enter my body. :) Yes- I am tooting my own horn.

Of course it got lots of likes and comments.  I mentioned if they wanted to read my blog to please let me know.  I sent out several links to the commenters. My cousin and an online friend asked how I felt.  My answer was ummm...normal?  LOL  Really though I haven't thought about it. With the questions asked I did realize that I am a lot happier. I don't have many mood swings. I cannot think of a moment of depression this month.  I do think of the invisible feelings but that is normal for me.  I am sure many of you can relate even.  One of the best side effects for me is the lack of cravings.  I do have a hankering for something sweet from time to time but I can ignore it usually ,or distract myself.  I can ignore sweets without much thought most of the time. I  just don't have negative (to me) cravings. That alone is a blessing to me.  Now my cravings are for healthy vegetables.

I am by no means perfect and I will never claim to be.  I have had things that I shouldn't- they just were not sugar based.  I plan on writing another post to sum up my 30 days as soon as my hellions are contained and I can think without hearing the loud play.

Day 29

I cannot believe that I have almost completed an entire month with no sugar based junk food.

 I bought the boys a ice cream cup from Sam's Club to share while we were there yesterday.  It is soft serve style with the twirlee loops. I thought about eating that little curly tip.  I thought about it for about 5 seconds and then I looked away and said no. I might have even said it out loud but I am not sure.  I have gone so long that I didn't want to ruin it on a taste of ice cream.

 My hips are a little achy from all the walking Saturday. Plus I have some killer cramps right now. So that means bed time for me.  I hope your day went well.

Day 28

Day 28 -  In just a few minutes I will be crawling into bed and heading off to dream land.  I worked today, and I will work tomorrow.  Then I will have 2.5 days of the wonderful freedom of being off.  It feels like I live for my days off lately.  :/

Exciting news!  We will be having a visitor come two weeks from now.  My Dad is coming to my part of Florida to attend a ham radio fest in Orlando.  He lives in FL as well but off the panhandle so he is about 6 hours away.  He will be arriving two days early so he can spend time with me and the family on his way. We haven't seen in in about 3.5 years.  Yeah!

Little bit of spending yesterday in all that shopping I mentioned yesterday. I have new pretty yellow kicks.
My runner hubby is so happy that I am now sporting his FAVORITE brand ever of running shoes.  I tried a different model of Brooks and am now the owner of a pair of Ravenna 3's.  Provided I still like them come friends and family discount time I will stock up on more at his 30% off rate.

 I actually have to go return 2 pairs of shoes on my first day off.  I hated spending that much on shoes for the ravs so I tried to talk myself out of it by buying two pairs of C9 (Target) shoes figuring that I will still be saving XX amount after I return the ravs. Then I tried all three pairs of shoes on the treadmill Saturday night (I had to walk 2k steps at home to hit that 10k steps mark yesterday) the ravennas were the best hands down. I figured hubby would be shouting from the roof tops about it.  He said he will wait to do that for when he can announce that I ran.  LOL



Side note- I forgot to update you all on Maggie.  She has a appointment this Thursday to get her teeth cleaned/polished and have a few teeth pulled.  She did soooo well at the vet!  We knew to socialize with other dogs but not people when she was a pup so she is skittish of people.  She actually went to a lady in the lobby on her own three different times for lovin. Amazing!!  (I had her on leash of course- the lady was calling her over and she went)

Want to stalk me?

Did you know that technically you can stalk me through my fitbit if you want to. :)


Mrs. Swan


I am not saying it is pretty...  So far the most I have done is 5 thousand plus in one day.  Remember how I said my job is 8 steps corner to corner?  I found these pictures when I was scrolling through my phone the other night. They are old, but the room size hasn't changed any.

Lovely color block job right?  I tried to block anything that would allow you to stalk me in real life.  LOL

Updated:

I pre-wrote this post for today.  Well as of today I have blown that 5k steps out of the water.  We left the house about 12:00pm and got home after 10:00pm.  

I have now earned my 10k steps badge.  Next is 15k.  I have noooo idea when I will be able to hit that one.

100% on plan (remember my own plan) No, I am not saying that because I cheated and am making it "on plan" LOL

Day 26

WHOO HOO!

The sushi didn't effect me!  My weight this morning was the same as Thursday morning.  I did take a picture of my marble jar.  I cannot post it up though because for some reason mine had more than it should have.  I don't know if I double dropped or my coworker dropped mine in also.  I will take one out and get a new picture Sunday.

                                                                                -1




That makes me 9 pounds down in 26 days.  It seems like such a long time for such a small amount but I know that it is a respectable amount.

Busy day tomorrow so I am off to bed.  Our beagle/dach mix needs a vet visit for a teeth cleaning and check up.  I didn't realize how dirty her teeth were till I was giving her the monthly flea pill.  Hubby will be signing up A. to play soccer yet again.  That will make me a soccer mommy again.  Of course I am a absent one because I work during most of the games.  Then a cousin's birthday party to Chuckie Cheese.   I have zero plans of sugar-  no cake for meeeee.  I will just make sure to eat before I go and take a protein drink with me as well.

Day 25

Day 25 is now over and I am into day 26 since it is after midnight.

Few bite of sushi earlier that I hope do not effect me much.

Will update the ticker in the morning.  Hopefully with a loss.  :)


Good night!

Slap in the face

Anyone else have Alanis Morissette echoing through their head?

Yesterday evening I was feeling really good about my day.

My jeans that I had been wearing non stop are baggy in the thigh back and a little loose around the waist.  I decided to dig out the 2 pairs of 18's I have and see if they fit.  I found what I thought were the two pair, but they were both 20's.  I tried them on just to see how big they were.

One pair fit, the other pair did not.  I was kinda going HUH!? to myself.  I picked up the pair of 20's that I had been wearing. F^#E@%)(#@&#  They were size 22's.  DOH!

Looks like I have several more weeks to go until I can fit back into those 18's.  In the mean time I at least I have another pair of jeans to wear.  HAH!

No- I am not letting this get me down!!!

Right now I am aiming to lose 4 pounds in just over the next two weeks.  I received a reminder from a web site yesterday that I had used one time last year.  My last weigh in with the web site was 2/7/12.  I want to at least be the same (or under) what I was in Feb of 2012.

:D

That is what my fitbit finally gave me today.  I picked up B from VPK and we went to Target to walk around.  Usually my fitbit just says  :P Today at Target it actually said  :) to me. I was thrilled with the :) to be honest. LOL  While I was at Target I priced ipod shuffles.  We have 3rd gen nano's but last I knew hubby's wasn't working so he stole mine.  I thought mine might be ok but I wasn't sure.  Not in the budget anyway today for a shuffle but I pledged to look for the nanos when I got home. 

I did find room for a C9 pink jacket that was 70% off.  It makes me feel like one of the cool kids.  It has those little thumb holes in the cuffs I see various people wearing lately online. I kinda like that the zipper is off set as you can see here in the picture. This is what I got but not for the price it is on the web site. 

 

After I got home I dug out the ipods and charged them up.  I decided it was time to steal mine back and maybe if it worked, climb on the treadmill.  Mine still worked!  Yeahhh!  So I put on my jacket and went to walking on the treadmill. Hubby was home by then so I told him I was zoning out and turned up the volume.  

I ended up doing a slow mile in 25 minutes.  I am sure I could have pushed by why?  I pushed last year when I ran on the treadmill and I ended up hurting myself.  I had what I am pretty sure was plantar fasciitis last year after I did that treadmill run I was so proud of.  It plagued me for MONTHS and months off and on- just my right foot.  I really haven't worn sneakers much since then.  I tried buying another more supportive pair but I really have not worn them either.  Actually one is missing right now  @@  Silly kids/dog must have grabbed it.  

After the treadmill I had my :D  Which I believe is because I hit my first badge.  I received an email that I have earned my 5k step badge.

Dinner will be lean pork chops and whatever else I decide to make as a side.  Maybe some sauteed sweet peppers. I have some that need to be used soon.  

Growing like weeds!

Holy crap!

I was scrolling through my phone looking at old pictures.  I cannot believe how BIG my boys are now.  EKKKK

A 4.5    B 1.5

A 7.5  B 4.5

B about age 2.5 before we cut off all his curls

B in his VPK pic 2012

Who says?

That laundry baskets are just for clothes? Monty would like to disagree with that.

In bed already hoping for an early night. No school for any of the boys but work for me as usual. 4 bottles of water and a delish greek salad at work. I made it myself with spinach rather than chopped lettuce. Very simple one with just feta, ham, calamata olives, and dressing.

Night. Night

I played with myself today

Yup-

I did it!   I played with myself.  At work even!  GASP!!!

No, you freaking perverts not like THAT.  


I played a game with myself.  My game helped me drink all of my water plus.  Maybe if you have a problem choking down your water this idea might help you too?  First bottle always goes down the easiest for me.  When my bladder made itself known from the first bottle. I chugged half of the second bottle.  When it was time to go again I chugged the 2nd half of second the bottle then refilled it before going.  Yes it is sorta silly but it worked well for me. It's the cycle that never ends- till you decide you have had enough.  I ended it at six 16.9oz bottles but anyone that knows me knows that is a HUGE accomplishment for me. HUGE!!

Today was a much, much better day as far as having the want to eat, eat, eat.  I actually wasn't even hungry most of the day so that helped a lot too.  Kinda feels like I am cheating when I say it was a better day because of that. But really any day that is on plan is to be celebrated right?

My steps were poop though.  I work in a fishbowl pretty much.  It is a specialty shop that the space I can walk in freely is literally 8 steps across from corner to corner vertical across the room. I did do lots of side steps (which fitbit zip doesn't count HMPH) Much flailing around in my version of dancing when a catchy song was on radio and I had no customers as well.  I could feel the burn in my legs several times today.  Not enough to be sore but enough for me to know that I was working them and that they need more work.


Side note:  My version of water is SF flavored, like Crystal Light and what not.

Day 19- WI 3

Meh!  My 3 days off went by way to quickly!!  Back to the grind today and what a odd day it was.  Lunch was a yummy cobb salad from Publix but neither my coworker nor myself were satisfied afterwards.  We both kept trying to graze.  I haven't really grazed at all so it was kind of freaking me out.  Was to much like a craving trying to find something else to shove in my pie hole.  Next time more food so I am satisfied and not wanting more more more.  I am a little weirded out by it because I had ham and seta out of the soggy greek salad and I was fine.  

Oh well- No major damage done.  I did splurge at dinner.  Your scared for me now aren't you?  No worries. Mashed potatoes and corn were the splurge.  Lots of veggies carbs in one night but WI is another week away now.  Still ignoring that bitch sugar in majority of her delicious junk forms. I will be content with the natural sugar that was in my corn.  :)

WK 3

             -2

Blubber

I usually try not to talk so negatively of myself.  However I really have nothing else to call it.  When we were at Target yesterday I went into the handicap stall. Took off my shirt and started taking pictures.  The angle of the mirror makes a half body shot possible.  I just have a small one in my bathroom and I don't want to show off my 4yr old's wall art that must be painted over. (Things that happen when daddy is in charge ugh)

Love handles that overfloweth.  Upper shelf above the waist and lower apron. Lets not leave off the side boobs. The floppy arms and the lovely double chin. I know if I completely stripped and got a shot of my back thighs there would be much orange peel bumpage. That would be what these pictures show and what I live with everyday.  I will not be posting these photos because my parents read this.  It's one thing to show your fat to anonymous people. Completely different to show it to your family members.

Thank goodness I am doing well still.  Because if not I just might have to cry at what I see and can zoom in to see on these photos. Once I have pictures that show loss I will consider posting the originals to compare to the new ones.

On a brighter note my car is ready.  When hubby gets home from school we are going to load up the boys and go get it. I expect the car to be purring like a kitten with all the attention it got the past few days.  

Day 17

I have a gowearfit that I do not use.  The strap is broken and I dislike the monthly fee.  One of my FB friends has the same thing.  She posted about something she was looking into.  I mentioned to her I had read a blog post about it recently.  Turns out she was talking about the smaller version of it.  Which Target happens to have on sale this week.  So after much research and discussion with hubbers we made the trek to Target.  I wanted the pink one but the screen had a pink tinge that I didn't like.  I ended up with the black one and I can always order the pink silicone clip case if I want to.  

What in the heck am I talking about?

FitBit- zip

A fancy shmancy pedometer.    : )     It smiles at me

I hoped to be able to upload the info to my blog. However they only do facebook, twitter, and word press.  I thought I might be able to add a twitter widget to my blog and have the stats post there.  I cannot seem to get the twitter widget to work though.  

Hubby sees that I am serious so he is all for the small investment to help get me moving, moving. 

I liked what I saw on the scale this morning so I expect that downward trend to continue. 

Eats-  Good

Water- Good

Workout- 10 min stationary bike   2 miles.  Pitiful but something rather than nothing.

Need a shot of inspiration?

Here are three of my current *shot of inspiration* bloggers.  I have been going back and reading their archives and getting to know them from day 1.  I feel sad when I see so many posts with no comments.  So I have been starting to comment on them.  All three of them started out well over 200 lbs and they are all rocking their weight loss. Various methods of eating but one thing that is the same on all of them.
Lots of movement and exercise. 

Chubby at Chubby McGee
Kelly at CurvyFitGirl
Leigh at Poonpalooza


I have a lot of my older posts pulled off my blog.  I am embarrassed by them to be honest. Either they are half ass "attempts" or just plain horse shit.  I was successful for the last three months in 2009 and I did lose over 30 lbs *BUT* that was on a prescription weight loss pill.  I did do wonderful while on it.  Zero side effects and it just reacted really well with my body chemistry.  When hubby got laid off Feb 2010 we lost our insurance at the time. I started gaining back from stress and just not giving a flip. I half ass tried last year for my sister's wedding but I wasn't committed.

I. AM. COMMITTED.

Day 16

I guess I should have let you know the post earlier was going to be a two part one.

 This blogging daily thing helps me stay focused. Instead of thinking about food. I just mentally plan my next blog post if I can.

 Day 16 and I am still going strong on this no sugar thing.  I need to come up with a better way to phrase that.  Maybe 95% sugar free?  I say that because I am still eating fruit and various condiments that have sugar in them.  I have not had any of the major white starches like pasta and what not.  I have had three servings of yuca.

Hubby is out at a school function so just the kiddos and I for now.  I had some yummy leftovers and didn't even finish them all.  I had green beans, acorn squash, and about half of my baked chicken boob.  I hadn't eaten much today so when I was trying to look for dinner I had those old feeling of just wanting to grab anything and chow.  I was able to tell myself NO and that I need to EAT- real food.  That after I eat I would feel so much better and not be wanting everything in the kitchen.  Well imagine that.  I have eaten and I don't want anything now.  I do admit I am having a touch of a sweet tooth so I will maybe finish those strawberries that are looking sad in the fridge.

Since hubbers put away all the holiday stuff that means my recumbent bike has made a reappearance.  We had a short meeting tonight.  For 15 minutes I spun the wheels chatting with the bike.  The stat counter claims 3 miles and 100 calories but I am not not believing it- sounds to high.  Although I just went to the spark people calories burned calculator and it says 212. Hmm   Weird.

My car is currently being fixed.  It wasn't as painful as I thought and I am having them do a tune up and brake job too.

So far so good (Arachnophobes beware)

So far so good is how I would describe my first day off.

I haven't accomplished anything (laundry) physical but I have gotten the ball rolling on my car.  A shop is picking it up to look at it sometime today.  Got permission from my boss to borrow off of husbands financial aid that should be here next week from his grants. The college usually puts the date on the web site but for some reason hasn't this term. Hubby went to financial aid and there are posters on the wall saying the date next week. With me being the only one working supporting the house and a family of four that help is much appreciated.  Some kinda sorta found money was in the mailbox last night.  I knew it was coming but not when.  Refund of some of our escrow payments from last year.  Our mortgage was jacked up $89 a month last year.  Now that they have done a re-eval they dropped it this year and sent back a refund. I wanted to throw it at a bill or credit card but will probably be my car plus the borrowed money from boss man.

 I had stepped away from the laptop after typing the above. Hubby arrived home with B so I was off talking to them.  I also got a load of laundry going and a sink of dishes soaking.   Gigantic spider in the hamper.  Here in FL we have these lovery things.

S~T~R~E~S~S~E~D

OMGoodness!

What a day!  My car decided to crap out on Friday night.  So it has sat at my job all weekend after my husband rescued me.  Super's hubby looked at it yesterday and thinks it might be the fuel pump.  He thought he might be able to get to it through an access hatch but he found out my car doesn't have that feature.  So now I have to get it towed somewhere to be worked on so it can be jacked up. With a bank account in the low double digits right now you can imagine how much fun this will be.  Ugh.  Then my coworker and I were short money at close.  Hubby answered a knock at the door of our house to a summons for me for next month. YIPPEEE!

 Annnnnd the cherry on top was me arriving home in hubby's car and thinking that the car was pulling a little right.  Well yeah, with a tire as low as it was I am surprised I didn't feel it more.  So I had to turn around and go back 7 miles into town to get air in the tire. I cannot have him go somewhere to get it patched because he will have to run B. home from VPK before his next class since my car is out of commission.

The only positive about this all is that I am not stuffing my pie hole right now with sugar.  Normally stress would make me want to eat and eat.  And then hide out because I stick my head in the sand when stressed.  Thankfully I had a yummy, yummy, yummy (did you catch that?- yummy) dinner planned so that helped a lot too.  I mean who needs to feel sad and eat sugar when your dinner will be teriyaki salmon, sauteed scallops, and thin green beans.  Sorry no picture for you to drool over.  :)

Day 15 and still going strong!  Oh, I also had a NSV today as well.  I packed lunch last night and I didn't think it through very well.  I put the salad dressing on my greek salad.  :(  You know where I am going with this huh?  I found the soggy mess this morning but still grabbed it.  Also one of the cara cara oranges we got at Sam's and my b-fast protein shake.  I left my water- that sucked.  Thankfully my hubby had a bottle of water in the car I just kept refilling at work.  Well come lunch time I discussed ordering out with my coworker.  I decided to just at least eat the feta and ham out of the soggy mess as a snack.  After I was done I realized I didn't need more food.  I just ate my orange and drank my water like a good little girl while she ordered Chinese.

I have the next three days off so I look forward to having some down time.

Me petite? HAH!

By my height I am petite.
By my size I am NOT petite.

I cannot EVA EVA EVA remember feeling petite in my entire life!!  Granted that could be because I have been a chubbo pretty much my whole life but whateves.  So I should be a petite chick at 5'3 but yeah- we all know that isn't the case. I can touch my fingertips around my wrist so if I recall correctly that makes me medium boned at least.

My mom is 5'2 and my entire childhood she was a tiny little thing.  I have mentioned she ranged from 100 to 105.  She actually would shop for jeans in the boys section because they were cheaper. I remember being able to hug her and feel her rib cage.  She didn't diet or starve herself,  it was just natural to her.  I seemed to have gotten my daddy's genes.  The ones that make you get pudgy if your not constantly moving.

Are you petite?  Do you feel petite?  Have you ever felt petite?  Yes- I do wonder these things about my readers.

It's time to say farewell

For a long time I would flop back and forth on my weight loss want. 

 Why? 

Because I wanted another baby. 

First a little story for you.  

As you know I have two sons.

 I was told A. was going to be a girl.  I had everything pink set up for "her" to come home.  From about 20 weeks on I had a baby girl in my tummy.  I had girl dreams- My mom had girl dreams.   When it came to clothing and what not I received tons at my baby shower as this was the first girl in my hubby's side of the family in over 20 years. Lots of little frilly stuff and even some Gators pink cheerleader outfits. "She" ended up being a week late and I went into labor the day before my birthday.  I was using midwives but delivering in a hospital setting. My water broke in the AM and the hospital was an hour away and since I was late anyway they had me come in. Hour later- no contractions.  They ended up offering me something to start them.  Even thought I knew better I was eager to meet my girl so I accepted.  Long story short each contraction was causing "her" heartbeat to decline so I ended up with a c-section.  On my birthday as it was 5:55am the OB pulled out the baby and said "WOW, THAT CORD WAS TIGHT!... "It's a boy"  My hubby did the first pump and I went HUH?  I'm supposed to have a girl??!!!  Turns out the 20 wk ultrasound was WRONG! One hell of a birthday surprise!! 

Wow, was I bummed.  I mean happy of course that I had a healthy baby but bummed because there was no girlie parts.  Friends showed up with ballons with "It's a girl boy!" on them. (They stopped at the nurses station and borrowed a sharpie to cross out girl)  Now I wish I had kept the mylar one they did that too.  Anyway I felt horrible-  Horrible that I was robbed of my girl and mad at myself because all of the people wanting/trying to have babies who would kill for any sex and I was upset because I got a boy.  What helped me immensely is that one of the nurses from delivery came down to see me in recovery.  She told me she was looking through charts and saw I ended up with a C like she thought I might. But then she saw I had a boy when she knew I had said it was a girl.  She came down to tell me it was OK to be upset, it was OK to grieve for that baby girl I didn't have. No she didn't make the hurt go away but she definitively did help me that day.  I took me quite a while to bond with little A.  First time parents with a new little guy struggling to breastfeed when my milk was not coming in.  (I can make them, and bake them, but I cannot feed them it seems)  I never got the Dolly boob look.  Hell with my second I had prescription meds and I still wasn't cutting it. But I digress because that is not what this post is about. My hubby packed up all the girl stuff and painted the bedroom blue before I ever stepped foot into it.  A coworker of ours at the time had two boys and was done so she gave me all her boy baby stuff.  That was our saving grace right there.

With my second, I still wanted that baby girl so bad.  I was set to deliver at the same hospital but this time I found a OB that would let me attempt to VBAC that took my insurance.  THAT is a mission let me tell you!!  I am 5'3- One OB (very prominent one in my city) told me I couldn't VBAC because I was to short!!!  @@ Well I was determined not to find out what the baby was. The OB claimed he couldn't tell at the 20 wk ultrasound so it didn't matter anyway.  Since I had boy stuff and girl stuff I felt I was covered.  One Saturday night at about 24 wks the baby was having a Rave in my belly.  I couldn't stand the not knowing so I made an appointment at a 3D ultrasound place to find out.  As soon as they put it on me it was instant money shot and we knew we were having a another boy.  I ended up with a 2nd c-section from pre-eclampsia anyway.  Amazing how much easier it was the 2nd time.

Anyway all this time I have held on to the hope that we could have a third child and have it be a girl.  At the same time though the thought of three boys terrified me. LOL  I still have all of the baby big ticket items as I wasn't ready to let them go.  It is time though.  They are all stored away and I hope to pass them on to someone who will truly appreciate them- Or to my sister when they are ready but that is still a few years away.  

When I was on a weight loss kick I was all gung ho- then I would fall back into that wanting baby and stop because I could lose that way. Why?  Because I actually lose weight while pregnant.  I only gained 9 lbs with my first and about the same with my second. I was below my start weight pretty much leaving the hospital.  

Confession:  I actually wanted to get pregnant before my sister's wedding last year so I could not feel so self conscious about being fat.  If I was pregnant then I would have a reason that I was carrying so much weight. (I say that as so many gain 40+lbs) 

If you haven't noticed I have been using my blog to write a lot more personal things lately.  I am wanting these trips down memory lane to help me on my journey this time. I have a lot more to come actually.  

Over the years the yearn for my baby girl has wax and waned.  I think it is time to say farewell to the imaginary Lorelai Elsa.  I have come to the conclusion that I will just have to wait for grandkids.  Or my sister- She already knows I plan on stealing her future child/ren often.

I want to be...

I want to be... 
                       that blogger that succeeds with their journey. 
I want to be... 

                       that blogger that has the awesome starting and    ending pictures. 

I want to be... 

                       that blogger that has hit their wall, and kept

on going. 

I want to be... 
                       that blogger that inspires others.


I want a lot of things out of life but I am the only one with the power to change the want into have.  There are so many things that I feel like are out of control in my life. Why the freak do I let my weight (something I can control) be one of them!???



Day 13 here and life is marching on.  I want to fast forward but I know it doesn't work that way.  I have to get some veggie prep going today. Maybe finally make that roast that has been in the freezer for a month now. I was going to make it two weeks ago but I got distracted and did not.

Here are the marble pictures for my WI's


WK 1

            -5

WK 2

             -1

Wk 2 weigh in

This morning ended week 2 for myself and my coworker. As I said last I have been slacking on the water so I was kinda afraid. :/

-1 pound

I will take it!

 I am sure it would have been higher had I ingested my water like I was supposed to.  Today I have been on the ball with the liquids.  My day was good.  Then when I went to leave work my car wouldn't start so that made it BAD!  My super's hubby will be taking a look at it on Sunday.  So my car is spending the weekend at my job.  Hubby had to come pick me up after I finally got a hold of him.  I even sent him a facebook IM.  LOL  Thankfully we have a back up cell in the house and it was charged.  Only like 4 people have the number so he got up to check it and saw my number.  He was my Mighty Mouse.

I am off tomorrow and I had plans of stealing my sister for a few hours but she doesn't seem to be responding to my FB message.  I think my words might have upset her when I told her to look at her life from another perspective.  Long story that is not going up on the interwebz.  

It's all about the choices.

I finally have a picture of my 5 marbles lost. I am just hesitant to put it up since tomorrow is WI day and I don't want anyone to get confused.  I am a little afraid of tomorrow.  Not because of my eating at least. My drinking has not been up to par at all- which is where my fear is from.  Tomorrow I will pay the piper over it I am sure.


Day off today and I took advantage of sleeping in.  Then picked up B from VPK and home to wait for A to get home from school.  After hubby got home from his college classes we all went to Sam's Club and stocked up on goodness.  No sugar or processed carbs entered our cart.  (excluding fruit) Spent bundles but that is what happens in those types of stores.

 I also picked up another pair of speedo flippers (flip flops)  I have a pair of them from a few month ago and they are great.  The style do not hurt my feet and my right foot is happy in them.  I was getting severe pain in my right foot for quite a while that stemmed from when I was trying the C25K last year. When your fat and live in FL it is hard to find inexpensive flippers that do not suck after a few wearings.  200+ lbs on the crappy cushioning just doesn't bode well for the shoes.  These hold up pretty damn well so I was thrilled to see they still had them.

My Sam's didn't have the cute colors they show on here but these are what they are.

http://www.samsclub.com/sams/speedo-ladies-39-fun-sandal-assorted-colors/prod4050008.ip#desc

CRAPPERS He is a mini me!!

WOW!

I realized in the car driving to work that my 4 year old is on the path of being like me for sure.  I was remembering the times I would go into my dad's room while he was at work and steal loose change. I would then ride my bike the the gas station at the end of the apartment complex we lived in and buy candy.  I don't have memories of eating the candy but I remember the coin theft well. Turns out I was taking his collectable coins. (buffalo head nickels and wheat pennies from the original mint years)  I was 6 or 7 doing this.  My father had custody of both my brother and I at the time and he was never home. My older brother was in charge of me but I ran free.  Of course as we all know it was a different time then.  NO WAY in hell would my 7 year old be in my front yard without an adult.  Must less be riding a bike at least half a mile away.

The next time frame that I remember a major problem is when I was about 12 or 13.  At this point I was living with my mom and stepfather.  I would take my weekly allowance ($7.00) and go buy candy at the gas station a mile away.  By this time I was old enough to wander the neighborhoods and the surrounding stores. I know I spent hours upon hours walking around the party supply store.  Looking as all the cool decorations and favors.  Hell, my bike was even stolen from out front of that damn store.  (It was awesome!  A metallic purple/pink racing bike with white pegs) Any who the point of my story is I would buy this candy then bring it home and hide it in my room.  My mother didn't keep sweets/sugar in the house as she knew I was porking up.  I had always been a teeny bit chubby for as long as I can remember. (budda belly) My mother says I was not as a small child though.  My memories start at about age 6. (see above)  Just bits and pieces that I can recall here and there, sometimes they are helped along by pictures.  One day I was coming home from the store and my mother met me at the door and I literally threw the candy in front of the little wall that was beside the walkway of the porch so she wouldn't see it.  I think she still busted me on it as she saw the arm movement.   My mother weighed between 100 and 105 lbs for my entire childhood.  So she had no idea how to deal with my sugar lust.

As I got older I lost interest in candy bars but I still loved me some sweets.  Those Friday nights as a teen when I got off work early (9pm instead of 1am- movie theather)  and had nothing to do I would have a planned binge.  I would stop at the gas station on the way home and run in an buy a pint or two of Ben and Jerry's and several girlie mags. (No you perv- not the porn ones-Cosmo and the like) I would then go home and eat one entire pint in one sitting and flip through those mags.  My mom was less attentive at that point since I was working and she had my lil sis and bro to deal with and was usually sound asleep when I got home.

 This hit me today while I was at work doing some mindless filing.  OMG!!! I set the example and he is just following me!!!! I realized there have been times that I have taken my Mommy treats to the bedroom as not to be disturbed.  Maybe even sprinted there so a child wouldn't see I had ::insert sugary food here:: so I wouldn't have to share  He doesn't realize he is "stealing" or what a serving is.  He just knows it tastes good.


CRAPPERS!


Less junk is being brought into the house so that is a start.  I have already been working on this with him.  That he needs to ask, not just take and stuff like that.  I have been leaving him a banana on the coffee table for when Daddy wakes him up in the morning. He eats breakfast at VPK but likes a little something sweet in the morning.  I got him weaned off the morning pop tart thankfully.  I wrote on the banana this morning a la Chubby McGee.  B. brought it up on his own tonight when I got home from work. That he wanted me to write on his banana again, that he really liked it.  I just wrote:   I LOVE HISNAME    

Must nip this in the bud.

I would say two posts in one day make up for the lack of a post last night don't you think?

 Went to the grocery store and stocked up on some good food.  Bought lots of the Crystal Light Mojito flavor. Yes I do realize I should be drinking straight up water but gimme a break, it is day 8.  :)
 Food is sliced and all prepped for tomorrow.  Yeah!

I picked up a 85% chocolate bar to have in the house. I kinda hope my 4 year old gets into the 85% cocoa.  Yes- I know, I am mean.  Sometimes he goes foraging in the kitchen and basically steals food. (sweets)  He  grabs the item and runs (usually while I am at work and Daddy is watching him) into his room to devours the spoils. It is typically not discovered till the wrapper is found in his room. If I noticed it missing I just assumed hubby finished whatever it was.
 He has gotten a lot better about not doing it but there are still occasional sneaks. He is FOUR!  If I don't nip this in the bud now (which I have been working on) this will turn into a HUGE problem for him later in life. I am just so thankful that while I am fat, my boys are not.  They are both in the normal range for their height/weight.

If Momma doesn't shape up then what kind of role model will I be for them!?  If I continue to maintain/gain they will only gain themselves as they eat the food that I make. That is unacceptable.



Heh Heh-I think I just scarred Caitlin for life with a homework assignment I gave her.

On the go

No post last night.  Not because I made a dumb decision and was hiding out.  Because I wanted to KEEL my husband.  I tried to keep moving and do some chores around the house. Then I got lost in blog land.  I ended up on a massively snarky website devoted to ripping certain bloggers to shreds.  Yeowch!  I am not talking about the few blogs we all know that "tell it like it is".  I am talking of an entire web site devoted to cattiness.  I have called one of those well known bloggers a bully in the past.  I must take that back!  So I apologize to you nameless blogger.  I will not even mention who I am speaking of as I don't want the fire from hell rain down on my blog when I have a screw up if they ever discover my blog.

Today was a go-go-go day. (After I got to sleep in YEAH!)  Pick up B from VPK then to Target.  We walked around there for a while.  Picked him up some new shoes that he desperately needed!  He was wearing his big brother's hand me downs and they are ready for the trash. To the point that I was embarrassed he was wearing them. Ugh!  I also didn't want to just grab something so we waited for a sale and he loves his new shoes.  I cannot find the exact shoes but these are similar.  His have the same colors but are velcro style. Then after A got home from school we had to run off to a appointment for B.  Food has been light since I slept in.  As in EAS protein shake and some edamame and it is 5pm so I better get my butt in gear and work on some dinner.  I am hungry but it is a controlled hungry if that makes sense?

Early night.

While majority of the world watch The Biggest Loser I am crashing. I have been saying I was going to go to bed early for the last two day. I have not succeeded so today I shall.  Hope your Sunday was as full of good eats as mine.

Daily check in

I have nothing amazing to say other than things are going well.  I dread the day when my first craving hits but for now I have no complaints.  Those times when I do want a lil something sweet (usually coinsides with slight hunger too) I reach for a protein shake and all is right in the world again.  :)  I cannot wait till Tuesday when I can restock the kitchen again with some faves.  Actually I have to pick up some milk for the boys tomorrow so I may pick up some small stuff then. :)

I ordered some coupons for Atkin's shakes last night.  Publix has a great coupon out for them too.  I am hoping with the new year that they will be BOGO very soon.  If not at least I can still save some moolah on them .

I have to say   I LOVE MY NO SUGAR/LOW CARB HONEYMOON!!!   LOL   It is wonderful to be able to look at pinterest and see all of the lovely pictures of goodies and not be tempted!!

Morning WI.

This morning was my first weigh in of this go round. I am happy to report that I am down 5 pounds. Yeahhhh
Busy day at work like the start of the month always is for us.  I got to play with my new visual weight loss tool. I will add a picture of the tool. I didn't grab a picture of it now that I have weighed in though. My area manager thoughtfully provided one of these aids to me, my work wife, and herself.
Met up with my older brother after work for dinner. Just the two of us and we were there for a few hours just talking. It was really nice. Especially since my hubby has been glued between the XBOX 360 and his computer recently.  Nice to have a conversation with another adult.  LOL

Honeymoon

 I stopped at the store to pick up a few things for myself that I wanted to add to my arsenal of tricks.

Coconut milk
Pre-made protein shakes
Rubbermaid drinks containers to help transport water to work
Cottage cheese
Zucchini (for dinner tonight)

I was able to 100% ignore all of the sugar/carb things that a nice chunk of the grocery store is made of- with no effort.  I went down a center isle for the coconut milk and the containers.  Shakes are over by the shampoo/meds around the front edge.  Then to the dairy around the back to the veggies/fruit then up the frozen food and to the check out.  Tonight, other than the things I specifically went in for those isle were just pathways to the rear of store.

Zero temptation from the naughty things the store offers. Can you believe that?!?   ZERO          

::shaking my bootie and doing the cabbage patch::

 I am still only just 4 days into this so of course I am in the honeymoon stage.  I was also pondering Chubby's recent post as well while I was shopping agreeing with her.  I hope that I am able to maybe read my post and Chubby's when I am feeling low and that it will make me remember the zero craving love that I am feeling.  I am eating, I am satisfied, I am now on day 4 of no added sugar. (Since I had that coffee on Sunday I am just going to kick it out as a day)  I say added because it is in just about everything it seems.  Although really the only thing I knowingly had that I can think of is the teriyaki sauce I used on our pork chops tonight and natural in that yuca.  I am also planning on throwing some pineapple in my cottage cheese tomorrow.

Where are the newbies?

Sooooooo...

If you wander on over to this here blog and I do not already follow you please leave me a comment. :) I am looking for new peeps to stalk um follow.  Part of blogging this journey is the knowledge that I am not alone.  I may not have the most flowy or motivating post out there.  I am honest however and love to read about other people dealing with the same things as me.  I do tend to go overboard with the run on sentences so if that is something that bothers you I am sorry but I cannot help that I just type away without adding a period and starting a new sentence. (Hehe)


If you find smiles or one word comments from me at times do not be alarmed.  I don't like seeing that 53 people read a post but not one person commented.  It makes me sad.  So I have decided I am going to start commenting a lot more on other people's blogs so that they know I read the post.  Yes you blog for yourself but it is nice knowing other people are "listening".

Eating was well on plan today.  I realized I had not had much veggie wise though so I made up with it for dinner.  I have many hard boiled eggies in the fridge.  So I took a few and mushed them up with some avocado and used celery sticks to eat like a dip.

I do have a cool picture to share but it is on my phone and my phone is dead.  BOO HISS!  Oh well- Now I know what to blog about tomorrow eh?

Good Morning 2013

A nice late wake up for the entire family this morning. (minus hubbers- he went home with his best friend to spent the night)  The boys are playing and entertaining themselves while I just kinda putter around.  Threw away some of the clutter from the kitchen counters. I was going to start a load of laundry but it seems there was a load in there already. -_-    So I have that re-washing and wasting electricity and water.  Meh!  Just threw some ice cube trays in the freezer as well.  We never have ice as we just don't use it much.  I think I will have a hankering for a frothy vanilla protein shake later so I am prepping for that. :)

Breakfast was eaten a few hours ago.  I just polished off my snack and am feeling the spice burn in my mouth.  LOL  Hubby should be home within the next hour or so.  I have not decided what he will be doing for me to make up for him spending the night out.  Oh!  I probably should tell you all why.  He went home with his friend so like 7 people could meet up this morning for a five mile run. His best friend lives over a hour away but he is coming back into town today anyway to have dinner with his parents who are local.  If you have followed my blog for a while you know while I am short and plumpy, hubby is tall and skinny.  He also runs- as in for fun and races/marathons.   ::shudder::   LOL

Off to google so I can figure out how to cook dinner.  I bought a pack of two 7 bone roasts from Sam's Club a little over a month ago.  When I finally broke them out for dinner I realized the 2nd one was to large for my crockpot. Whoops! So I made the first one but that second one has been in the freezer taunting me  I have an oval crockpot that it will fit but the crock is full of itty bitty cracks and I don't know if it is safe to use.  Plus I would have to drag it out of garage and wash it. Haha  I bought some turkey roaster bags planning on using it on this roast in the oven.  I am also going to use yucca in place of the standard potatoes.  I have no idea how it will turn out but they were BOGO and I like yucca.  Hubby has never had it.  As I said I am low carbing- not no carbing.  I am not going to stress over fruit and veggie carbs.